I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
