You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
