Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The adults are the big ones right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
