Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
