Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Holy sore nipples Batman
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
