Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize