atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
