i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
