She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
