guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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