at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
