If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
