I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
