just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
