I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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