Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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