Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
