My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
