I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
