I bet he comes in French.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
