Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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