haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
pop tarts are not kleenex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
