she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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