I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
