Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
