I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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