if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
