Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
