you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
