he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize