does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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