You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
