Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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