pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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