the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
