I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Are my feet made of real feet?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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