you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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