He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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