marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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