So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye