3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I AM VODKA MAN
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
