I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
