i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
