Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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