I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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