It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
