Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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