If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize