and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize