I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
