i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
