i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
