I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
