i barfeds in our rink
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
