I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
