so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
