I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Mom said you looked used
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Randomize
