And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
