Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
