So drunk its hurt
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
