you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
