I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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