having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
