You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
