my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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