So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
