so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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