WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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