There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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