I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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