whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
