dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
