obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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