you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
