matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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