I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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