Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
