I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
