false alarm. still invincible.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
we should paint friendship bongs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
