At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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