I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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