I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize