yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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