I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
