If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
