Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
