shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
