all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
