Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
that's an acceptable place to lick
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
