Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
