not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
