Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
