dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
