My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
