I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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