..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
