I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"