im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
