I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
