Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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