I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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