Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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